“You’d finally figured it out!” was the first text I received from e, who’d been actively preparing his break abroad. Turning over a new leaf, so to speak, with a newly branded IDGAF on his forehead, eager to chase his dreams at an age when others would normally settle down. I feel him, especially after being brushed off for questioning the game rules (or the house playbook).
Earlier this Monday, I approached HR after inadvertently finding out that salary adjustments would take place around July. This fact was not explicitly stated during the previous all-hands, except for an odd emphasis on, “please treat our Goal Setting seriously and log it into the system after 1-on-1s,” as if we’d have Gemini generate it.
Ask anyone, I take (text) submissions seriously, but how would I know if the reviewer does…?
System status for approval: Pending
Naturally, a flood of questions hit me all at once:
- Who was eligible for this adjustment?
- Was there a performance review I wasn’t aware of?
- Would this be a company-wide adjustment?
- What was I being weighed on? I was never given the promotion ranking, nor did I know what “senior” meant in my title… Was there a next level?
- Why wasn’t this announced publicly so people were aware of their rights?
Spiraling, I decided to consult the person I presumed knew the rules best. I was wrong.
Gaslighting was the closest in describing the responses I received:
- “Did you not understand the purpose of Goal Setting?”
- “We don’t have the budget, but we do give out raises to those who are promoted or did good work.”
- “We do things differently now.”
- “Promotion rankings should’ve been shown to you by the team. I can’t show you how your team works.”
- “Strange, you’ve been the only one who came to ask about how the system works.”
To which I countered:
- “Yes, to log into the system as a formality, ‘cause that’s how my boss treated it. We grade that by EOY. Plus, the evaluation criteria have always been in his hands, final results unrevealed. I’ve never had a chance to appeal.”
- “Make that make sense. Admit there is an undisclosed adjustment.”
- (As if I hadn’t already took actions upon my own hands.)
- “Oh, I thought this fell under the HR scope? Weren’t you the one who advocated for my promotion last year? You should know how the system works.”
- “I am the stray sheep? How about, ‘I (have nothing to lose and) am seeking to improve myself within the resources given (and not-so-transparent rules).’”
Furious that I hadn’t advocated for myself enough, instead waited for judgment day each year while others demanded more. Frustrated, because the window closes in less than a month and I was handed an answer meant to fool a fresh grad. Unsatisfied, because my compensation has already taken a hit from down market rates and a rigged program. Roiled, because I was denied a fair shot at being evaluated on my actual work.
Edit: d says Innies don’t ask for compensation, only waffles.