“Sending love to you and the kids.” These responses, though kind, felt distancing, a turning away when I had flung my doors wide open. I had never thought about this before—how a closed-ended response, no matter how well-intentioned, can feel like an ending—the declining of an invitation to engage.
In Mandarin, we say “to period someone.” I’ve also learned to avoid unnecessary followups and leads, when I sense it coming, especially towards those who don’t bother to catchup.
But is it fifty-fifty when the unhappy person doesn’t say they are unhappy? When they act like everything is exactly as they want it to be, leaving their partner to guess? When they don’t give their partner a warning, a beat to change course, to grow, before betraying them, before cutting the cord?
I’ve been on the receiving side. Blindsided isn’t quite the right word, but I suppose this is the whole point of couples therapy, so daily pent up frustrations can take form in structured and less harmful manners with a moderator.
I famously admitted, I wouldn’t date myself either.