It will be exactly 28 days, or precisely 696 hours, the longest we’ve been apart since we met. I was taken aback by the stats (as I’ve only ever counted us in years) because mentally, it felt like a week long when I registered the passing time. Let me explain.
Occasionally, d will go on a solo trip or stay out of town just to commute hours, to recharge from the having to show up the minute he’s awake. Unlike me, d prefers staying away from city, out of sight to feel fully relaxed. I, on the other hand, will spend weekends with my parents to be a real brat, or have rare sleepovers with colleagues to let loose. Putting on a mask makes me feel alive outside from us. Our time spent apart almost feels like a retreat to paradise rather than a banishment to hell.
28 days = 4 weeks
The first week went by in a blitz, as I booked every single evening with either a run or a catch-up with a friend. “I forgot that you existed/ And I thought that it would kill me, but it didn’t,” I chirped. 28th was coming up and I wanted meet my friends before then.
By the second week, I found down time to journal and update the blog. I spent the weekend having tea and thrifting with c, did some cycling, and searched for my next online obsession, a conspiracy to deep dive into or someone to drool over.
The third week was when I realized I had completed a full roster of friends, received d’s second phone call, and baked something that took half a day. I also took a mini family road trip down south for Dad’s college reunion, speeding down the highway to feel alive and active.
By the fourth week, I spammed d with stickers for attention: “Do you even miss me?” I started reading again, and talking to myself more. Tbf, if I were the one traveling, I’d be selfishly immersing myself in the presence, so I don’t blame him. But also it’s been four weeks, and I had no clue where or when d’s wrapping up.
silently screaming
However, d’s absence did ultimately creep in through subtle ways I hate to admit ٩(ˋᗣˊ*)و
- Having to peel tangerines and spit out the seeds, when d would serve me the clean meat directly
- No more bite-sized cuts of apple or toast over cold cuts and cheese
- Craving romances with passionate make-out scenes
- Craving romances with deep lingering conversations
- Craving love triangles between two men and one woman
- Obsessing over a boy band (i.e., The 1975) or a male actor (i.e., Mike Faist)
- Having soup with dumplings for most dinners
- Adding milk to tea rather than coffee in the morning
- Settling for milk + half a pastry or oats for breakfast
- Not craving Japanese, simply cuz I only like enjoying it with d
- Baking low-stakes desserts only to still fail terribly, with no one around to finish them for me
- Binge-watching miniseries, then falling asleep on the couch
- Finishing a full film in one sitting
- Surviving nights without the AC on
- Forgetting my Shokz earphones
- Forgetting to turn off the lights before sleeping
- Forgetting to charge my phone before going to bed
- Refraining from modifying my blog’s UI for fear of unable to undo anything
- Cycling every other week instead of twice a week
- Waking up at 7AM only to scroll on my phone for another full hour
- Having to do the dishes right before bed
- Hand-scooping up (my own) hair from the floor far more frequently
- Vacuuming and taking out the trash far less frequently
I hope you realize that all this translates as: I miss you.